I don't want to write today

Forgo all previous thoughts

Everything is wrong

All around us has changed

Real life has gone

All my friends have gone away

They are all out

having fun

I am

alone

The only

One.

I could make the best of it

Try new things

See what fits

The truth of it is I feel

low

Being here. No place to go.

There was a time I got invited to join in

Nervous me, glad to begin

A journey of inclusion

Accompanied by anxiety

And maybe that’s what put them off me

They didn’t know

That everytime

I was asked

I got braver, sparkled, danced

Then anxiety hit again

Pushed me back into my pen

Like a caged bird, not allowed to sing

Confined to listen to everyone else’s din

My head hurt

My brain exploded

All the happiness eroded

The invites all dried up

Eventually I tried again

Clean page, fresh ink, the dots intact

Suggesting this, pursuing that

Until I heard, “you’re not where it’s at”.